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The Despair Code .pI

This is the first post and the beginning of the document titled "The Despair Code". I'll be posting the experiment weekly as I write; keep posted.

"The Despair Code" - DeJa Vu, paranoia, despression.

The Despair Code

Experiment: Introduction to the code

We say that you can't change your base psyche without completely destroying yourself.

The people I heard this from were met months after I had finished experimenting; after using the code to explore our minds, to challenge ourselves and change our basic primal urges; our psyche. We'd finished, and our ends were different to those who named it. I believe that this is something different to what people think- something that can be great.

The experiment took place over three years, in both Scottish (beginning*) and English (middle and end*) hostels- a perfect environment- as the inhabitants of these places, including myself, were young and prone to both curiosity and addiction.
* = Of the experiment.

The first part of the experiment isn't interesting. It was my first time talking to people, and I found exploits that were usable in many different types of people- the amount of 'types' a someone can be being surprisingly limited, too. I was using this to have fun, to survive, but it turned out to be a good brief before I moved on to the experiment.
Now, onto the experiment.

The Despair Code;


Two types of people were taken into consideration in this document. The main focus: myself and the people who came with me, as this information is first hand. The other group are included too- Though having nothing to do with them, they had almost the exact experience as us, interesting, as the paths and themes of the code seem to be limited and easy to learn. Interesting conclusions and perhaps some help for these people will follow.

The code will be written piece by piece in the following format:
[Link to first post | Link to latest post
] [Notes
] [Body
]   Until completed, at which point it'll be worked together to flow into a full piece.

Writing this, I try and use examples that would work with certain kinds of people- using things they are or that they know. This is experimental- as with all the work here, feedback is appreciated. Thank you.

Our minds/The exploit: Learning of-

It's said that we only use x% of our minds. What's in the rest? Can it be explored?

Note: If we use our entire brain, then it would be the growing of the brain that can be corrupted- the people affected were all maturing, ages of 15-19; their mind still 'sponges' as they say.

A lot of our brains are parts that are specialized, ready to be called upon when something is needed- muscle memory, instinct, personality and so on. Parts would be trained as our personality, our natural behaviour, and in parts, what we are at our very base, subconscious. Pieces would be used constantly, with others only needed whenever the situation calls for it, such as a 'fight or flight' situation. If this was the code of a computer, it would be hidden away and read only by the computer, either constantly used when powered on, or called upon whenever needed. It would have to be understood by nobody but what is reading it, personalised by what wrote it.

So, we have the passive, the subconscious:
parts that we often don't even know of- you might not like it, you might not want to be this person once you find it; repressed memories, being a bad person, etc, aren't the risk- the risk is wanting to change or re-write these parts.

We have the empty or the growing:
This is where we learn of what the code is, how we learn to enter our mind.

And the active:

The exploit is you wanting to explore. Humans want to explore everything; space, the ocean, minds. Our natural curiosity is what leads us down the rabbit hole, through the door, both said, both ways into our minds- into the subconscious where we tap into our primal instincts, our psyche with the possibility of changing our source with the result mentioned before- destroying ourselves. Our mind is not meant to be explored.
Humans go to a new land and kill the animals, rape the locals; we go to the moon or climb a mountain and plant a flag; we go through the ocean to drill. A god, demon, new life, goes to a new land and populates it, grows with it and makes it something. The Despair code is said to end in suicide 93% of the time- none of my people died; this statistic is from people found online.

In the bed and breakfast, before coming back to England, I planned. I'm going to document as much of this as possible, but some parts aren't needed; such as what my door was, what I did, and so on. After that, we go through what the beginning is.
People often report of going through a 'door', or being lead down a rabbit hole. I think that this is to have a literal way of (from your mind's perspective) entrance, going through into a new environment/world.


The plan was to meditate until I was in the right consciousness- this took three days. I'd like to say that my reasons for doing this were good, but I thought that this was a 'different' coming of age- thinking that my dad had gone through it and eventually backed out; I wanted to beat, to be better, than he was.

I appreciate myself. I was and still am destructive because I trust that my subconscious can beat (and recover from) the challenges together with me- making us stronger, better. I wanted to do this with my mind, not against it- finding myself, growing, maturing.

A tulpa was created so I could see myself from another (third) perspective, so I didn't get too crazy, and so I could have some kind of guidance. I committed a ritual suicide, and our minds began again, together, with the code in effect.

The exploit (their curiosity) was used to get people on board, for comparison, more paths, and in turn: more knowledge on the paths, tricks, powers, etc. With the promise of power in turn for completed challenges (and apparently, despair (according to those found online) if they failed), we played it as a game together.

I helped them with their challenges, went through with them and saw what they saw, with the code (as explained later) and their journey of exploring what they normally would in a more active way- their mind finding the pieces of the world around them that are needed for the challenges and progression.
The tulpa helped me- we played together, went through our own challenges on a different level to the others. That being a thing in my mind, the stakes were always higher, the understanding deeper and more complete.

I go through into the beginning of the code and experiment in the next post.


Curent Projects; Highlight - UxAC

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